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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Sunday, December 20, 2009

Sleigh defies laws of aerodynamics


Compiled by John MacIntyre

Date of the probable first flight of Santa's sleigh, a versatile, all-weather, multipurpose, vertical-short-takeoff-and-landing vehicle capable of traveling vast distances without refueling and deployed, as far as we know, only on Christmas Eve (and briefly for a test flight about a month before Christmas), according to NORAD: Dec. 24, 343 A.D.

Length of the sleigh, built by the North Pole-based Kringle and Elves Inc.: 75 cc (candy canes), or 150 lp (lollipops)

Weight at takeoff: 75,000 gd (gumdrops)

Propulsion: 9 rp (reindeer power)

Armament: Antlers (purely defensive)

Climbing speed: One "T" (Twinkle of an eye)

Max speed: Faster than starlight

WORN OUT

Percentage of Americans who report that they personally need an "underwear overhaul" this holiday season, according to a survey by Jockey International: 43

According to a previous Jockey survey, percentage of Americans who own underwear that's 5 or more years old: 25

BRANCHING OUT

Approximate number of real Christmas trees sold in the U.S. every year, according to the National Christmas Tree Association: 25 million to 30 million

For every real Christmas tree harvested, number of seedlings that are planted the following spring: 1 to 3

Percentage of artificial trees worldwide that are manufactured in China, according to the U.S. Commerce Department: 80

Average price for evergreens this year, according to IbisWorld research: $25 to $30

REST FOR WEARY

Percentage of Americans who celebrate Christmas who get six hours or less of sleep the night before gifts are exchanged, according to sleepbetter.org: 49

Percentage of Americans who use the Christmas vacation to sleep in more than usual: 43

Percentage who say they sleep better than usual over the Christmas vacation: 22

SHOPPING CURVE

Percentage of moms who plan to shop at mass merchandisers/supercenters for the holidays, according to a survey by The Marketing to Moms Coalition: 85

Anticipated holiday shopping percentage increase for department stores this year: 10 to 47

IDLE THOUGHT

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

— George Bernard Shaw

Readers can contact John MacIntyre at johnmacintyre@bwr.eastlink.ca.