Yesterday, the University of Hawai'i began advertising for a new athletic director — or "position number 89067" as the posting put it.

Before he became the UH President, David McClain once succinctly described the qualities of the perfect Manoa athletic director as adding up to "God on a good day."

Obviously, UH can't put that in its advertisement — though it would probably still get applicants. So, what it does is lay out language so broad and ponderous and requirements so generalized as to allow the powers that be the widest range of choice.

Unfortunately, you saw what resulted the last time.

So, in an effort to help find a more suitable successor, we offer a translation from the bureaucratese of the duties, responsibilities and requirements UH has laid out.

What it says: "Taking effective measures to ensure the fiscal soundness of the program."

What it means: Balance the damn budget more than two out of every five years. Especially when we float you an interest-free $1 million loan.

What it says: "... fair and responsible personnel actions."

What it means: Not waiting until a coach's final season is over before negotiating a contract renewal.

What it says: "Effectively build relationships with other academic institutions ..."

What it means: Know who to call to fill the freakin' football schedule on time.

What it says: "... achieving success in resource development and fundraising initiatives."

What it means: Getting out from behind a desk and scaring up some bucks.

What it says: "Proven, strong administrative and interpersonal skills."

What it means: Olympic medals are swell but can you run and motivate a 19-sport department?

What it says: "... provides executive leadership and vision to guide and grow the athletics program in a manner commensurate with the mission and values of the university."

What it means: Don't become a laughing stock of the community.

What it says: "effectively build relationships with ... and various constituents of the State of Hawai'i, including public supporters, legislators ..."

What it means: Work with legislators, don't make them have to yank you down to the capitol.

What it says: "... promote the athletics program and generate revenue in support of the athletics mission."

What it means: If UH ever gets back to a Bowl Championship Series game again, have an idea how many tickets we need and how to sell them.

Reach Ferd Lewis at flewis@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8044.