Psst, hear about that rare nude photo of Marilyn Monroe from '62 some dude just found?

Well, it's actually a Madonna, vintage '92.

Las Vegas resident Lawrence Nicastro, 73, excitedly announced this week that he would unveil a photo of Monroe posing nude as a hitchhiker. He said he found it in junk he had in storage, and thought the photo had been left in 1962 by a customer at his Bronx service station.

Nicastro said Monroe expert Chris Harris had confirmed the photo as genuine. But, alas, there's no mistaking the picture from Madonna's 1992 photo book, "Sex."

"You're right; it's Madonna," Harris said. "If there ever was an embarrassing moment. ..."

JACK JOHNSON CD RETAINS NO. 1 SPOT

Last week's winner on the Billboard charts, Jack Johnson's CD, "Sleep Through the Static," sold 180,000 copies this week to successfully defend its place at No. 1 on the top-albums chart. Troubled star Amy Winehouse's Grammy triumph has catapulted her latest record, "Back to Black," all the way from No. 24 to No. 2. It sold 115,000 units this week, a 368 percent increase for those of you Billboard-chart junkies keeping score at home.

And Alicia Keys sits at No. 3 with "As I Am," which sold 109,000 copies.

PETA GETS CATTY OVER ARETHA'S FUR

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has named queen of soul Aretha Franklin the worst-dressed celebrity of the year. PETA mocked Franklin for wearing "yet another vulgar fur" at the Grammy Awards. "You looked as if you were going to perform 'I Am the Walrus' by the Beatles," PETA said yesterday, in a statement addressed to Franklin. "How 'bout some R-E-S-P-E-C-T for animals?"

Also singled out by PETA were Marilyn Manson, Eva Longoria ("in her trashy furs, she looks like the streetwalker of Wisteria Lane"), Lindsay Lohan, Kate Moss and Kylie Minogue.

CASTRO SCENARIO FOR RED CARPET

LOS ANGELES — "Sicko" director Michael Moore jokes that Fidel Castro would be a "ratings grabber" at Sunday's Academy Awards show.

Moore's Oscar-nominated documentary on the health-care industry concludes with a trip to Cuba, where he seeks care for a group of 9/11 responders with health problems. They are greeted with open arms at a Havana hospital and given what appears to be top-notch care that they could not get in the U.S.

Castro, who is 81 and in poor health, announced his retirement as president of Cuba this week, after a half-century of autocratic rule.

"I got some great news today because I was trying to figure out how I was going to get Castro into the Oscars and for me he resigns today so he can come to L.A. and go as my guest and perhaps give the acceptance speech," Moore told AP Television on Tuesday night.

"As long as he keeps it under five hours. I'm telling you, that's got to be a ratings grabber. Can you imagine him? Showing up? If I could talk to (Oscar producer) Gil Cates and maybe get Castro in a dance number at the beginning of the show? Great."